What about my nose?

(BACKGROUND STORY: I was flipping through the channels, and passed Sharon Stone's biography. They were talking about some surgical procedure she was undergoing, and she said "...and I sincerely believe in my heart that God was with me."

But don't you believe that God is everywhere? Isn't God, by definition, omnipresent?)

God is like your nose: wherever you go, your nose is there, and it always hears what you have to say. Well, it doesn't actually hear you, but you know it's there, so you like to pretend it hears what you say. You like to think it helps you get through life.

Of course, if you are in a real tight crisis, you'll talk directly to your nose, and say, "Please, nose, help me through this," when there is nothing that your nose can really do. This is unless your crisis is that you can't get your glasses to stay on your face, in which case your nose might help.

And then, when you are surprised, or hear something outrageous, you say "Oh my nose!" But of course everyone has a nose. You believe that your nose is the same nose that everyone else believes in. But it's really your own personal nose, even if you don't want to admit it. This is why when somebody else says "Oh my nose!", you assume that they're talking about your nose. You don't respond, "Your nose? What about my nose?" No, you don't do that.

Now, you don't want to really admit that your nose will be everywhere you go. I mean, everywhere you go. Sure, if you need a little help or luck, you hope your nose will get you through it. But you still have a convenient tendency to sometimes "forget" that your nose is there and that it's judging you. You never find yourself with a very close friend and say, "I can't tonight, dear, because my nose is watching."

Your nose tells you what is right and wrong. Don't bother that it's never spoken to you directly, but it's given messages before to very powerful people, and your nose's message has gotten to you through these people, somehow. Your nose also gives you signs, and will point you in the right direction in its own subtle way. How you interpret these signs is up to you, but your nose would never lead you down the wrong path.

There's also some people out there who don't have a nose. Or, they like to think they don't have a nose, but you know they do because they're human, and you can see it plainly on their face. You don't know who these people are, though. It's not like you go around asking strangers, "do you believe in your nose?" That's just strange. You assume that they do, and pretend like they do, and hope it never comes up. They're not going to shout in surprise, "Oh my not-nose!", so it's pretty safe that you won't have to worry about finding out.

You might admit that there are groups of people who think of their noses differently. Their noses may be more broad or narrow than yours is. It's hyprocritical, of course, because you know that everyone has the same nose. These other people just don't realize that their noses are really like your nose, not like the ones they describe.

You might see one of these people who is doing something wrong, and you might tell them, "You shouldn't do that, that's a sin, and your nose will punish you for that!" You don't really think of the times when other people say this to you, and you think, "No, not my nose."

And even though your nose is a loving and caring nose, you have to be a good person. You have to be kind to your nose, and respect its wishes. If your nose says that you shouldn't do drugs, you know full well that it's a good idea you listen. You have to be kind to other people, because they will tell their nose about you, and you want to be sure that they are saying good things.

This is because your nose has a bad side. You've never seen it, but you know it's there. Bad things have happened to you, or maybe you've seen bad things happen to other people, and you know that it's because they didn't listen to their nose. You never wonder how your nose causes these things, but then it's best just to hope they don't happen to you.

After all, you are consoled by the fact that your nose is always there, even if you don't always remember. You know that your nose will be with you through those hard times, and that you'll thank your nose when you have a very good experience. So remember to talk to your nose, and be a good nose-fearing person. It will reward you.

- RG.