Wednesday, June 16, 2004

The last line... (diary)

I spoke with Greg Furlong, an associate of mine, and told him about my poem (see the previous entry).

He said that if a melody were attached, it would be good for his choir. I mentioned the last line, but he suggests that his choir does not take any particular stance. Nevertheless, I think I will change the last line to "Would you like meat on your plate?" (The original last line was "Shut up and put meat on my plate!")

The advantages of the new last line are that it is balanced and does not take a position (much like the other lines), and that it is a question (like the other lines). However, having an exclamation can make for a good conclusion.

I've come up with a simple melody (it is a fairly simple song), although it may be better if it were talk-sung. In any case, it can't be sung as written, in question form, because that just sounds stupid (try even just saying it, and you get tired of it).

This reminds me about the song my friend and I wrote in our High School band trip to Austria. The song was called "Get Out of My Face". Remind me to write about it sometime. Everyone else in the group was so kind as to not tell us how sick they were of singing it, even when we sang it over the P.A. system on the plane coming back. I met that frend yesterday before we saw Super Size Me, and we reminisced. Primarily about our Russian friend Fedor. Heh, heh...that Fedor...

[Insert something like "Cheers" or "Sincerely" or "TTYL" here]

- RG

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