Grammar Nazi's Triumph

Kettleman's Bagels has had a couple of unfortunate connections to stories in the media. There was the time that I caught them with taxi hands, and more recently, some of their product was recalled due to insufficient labeling. Of course, I still go there, because the bagels taste good.

But the thing that gets me most about Kettleman's is the motley signage. Lots of notes are scribbled in permanent marker on white paper, taped to various surfaces. And they all have apostrophes galore where they don't belong.

They renovated their store this past fall, and redesigned their garbage bin to have a hole for recycling. A nice new container, with modern stylings.

Then they slapped this onto it:

"Recycle only / glass + can's please."

Now, I'm easily perturbed by such miscarriages of punctuation as this. I also like a good challenge. The easy thing to do (aside from ignoring it) would be to scratch out the apostrophe, but that would just draw more attention to it and make it look uglier. It'd be sufficiently passive-aggresive, but clumsy. Also, not much of a challenge.

I could also point out the typo to a staffperson, but nobody likes to feel patronized by being called out that way. (The store has a few signs where apostrophes were clearly added after the fact, so getting them to make a new handwritten sign would likely have little long-term effect). Generally with this type of thing you want to give the offender an 'out' so they learn what their error was while still saving face, pretending that they knew all along how it was supposed to be.

I figured if I was going to fix this, I was going to fix it completely. No leaving the Kettleman's sign-scribblers to solving it halfway. I am a perfectionist, when I have the patience to see something through.

My solution? I made this sign, with Kettleman's trademark red and yellow colours (mimicking the arched text of the word "BAGEL" on their outdoor sign). As an added flourish, I used the whitespace for a not-so-subtle plea for an end to apostrophe abuse:

This isn't just a piece of paper, it's a big sticker. You see, when I took the picture of the sign in the first picture, what I was really after was the hole, using the pop can for scale. From there I could tell how big a curve I needed for a sign to fit neatly in.

I've got a little device designed for cutting circles in paper (functionally equivalent to a compass with an X-Acto knife at the end), with which I scored the arced bottom edge of the sticker, and I used a straight edge and knife to score the sides.

As for delivery, again, subtlety and minimalism is the rule of the day.

Sure I could go there, tear off the taped sign and stick this thing on, but there are enough staff in the store that I'd probably get some questions. And the whole point of this exercise is to avoid directly confronting them about their bad grammar and terrible sense of signage style.

So I did what any psychology-conscious trickster would do: I brought in a newspaper, read it during my visit, and left it there. Underneath the newspaper on the counter was the sign. Odds are, I gambled, that a staff person would be the one to put the newspaper away, and would see the sign.

I told a few people about this plan, with various responses. One person was particularly incredulous that the plan would succeed, and suggested I should have just put the sticker on myself. But the next time I visited, lo and behold:

Now that's satisfying. The best part, aside from the perfect size and design, is that the plan involves the intervention of the target. That's the key to any successful practical joke. The requirement for conscious thought on the part of the mark changes things from a mere object to a message.

And try to imagine what would be going through someone's mind: somebody, somewhere, went to the trouble of making this very specific sign for this very specific purpose, and just left it here. Who would have done that? What was their motivation? On its own, it's such an innocent sign that you can't deduce any reasoning from it.

Unless they thought that some other manager had left it there, I'd like to believe that after a certain amount of head-scratching they gave up, shrugged, and thought to themselves, God thinks it's Friday.

The only kink in the plan--a very minor one--was that the offending sign had already been replaced with another paper-and-marker sign, sans erroneous mark of possession. Obviously someone had gotten the message through to them, making my little "stop abusing apostrophes" message redundant. In the interests of minimalism, I pulled that part of the sticker off, leaving just the "Recycling" sign. This left it with even less context, adding to the psychological aspect.

This isn't the first time I pulled this kind of thing. One of these days I'll tell you about the prank I pulled at Bridgehead.

Oh, and I should give a shout-out to Rob Cockerham of Cockeyed.com, who does a lot of this kind of stuff (like the McDonald's drive-thru menu prank and the TGI Friday's Menu Prank).

Also, a shout-out to Elmaks (RIP), whose swap boxes helped me realize that anything we can touch, we have the power to change.

- RG>

Other things washed away by the weather

I distinctly remember posting--or at least drafting--the annual réprise of my Waterlude logo a couple of weeks ago. I remember searching Google for "Waterlude" and finding that post being the second result (strangely, now third), after a MetroOttawa article using the same Napoleon reference on the same day as my blog post.

Still, my picture-perfect "Waterlude" sendup of the "Winterlude" logo is from a year prior. (And is still the first Google Images search result for "Waterlude")

I also remember that when I drafted the post, either the canal hadn't opened yet, or it had just opened, and because of this, I was having second thoughts about the timing of such a post. But I don't remember deleting it...

My best guess is that I did post it, but that the rain and mild weather melted it away. What tragic irony.

- RG>

Physics Wins Every Time

A blog post by the Incidental Cyclist about idiot newspaper article commenters inspired quite the mental image, approximated here:

"Cars and bikes don't belong on the roads. Physics wins every time!"

- RG>

NCC faces its Waterlude

With warm weather coming up this weekend, I guess it's time to pull out ol' rainful, my cleverly-crafted parody of the Winterlude logo.

First debuted last January. Like so many of my subversive efforts, the changes were so subtle and so seamless that I think it went unnoticed in plain sight.

It would be a terrible thing if someone were to print it out and paste it over official Winterlude materials...

BTW, I'm a great fan of the canal and Winterlude. Aside from the Beavertails, it's a free festival for all to enjoy in the middle of a miserable season.

- RG>

Notice previously given

Back in November, I pointed out some street art popping up on streetposts around town called Take Notice. Coyote noticed them too.

Turns out it's an art project by Paul Roorda, which is currently on display at City Hall. Not the first time I've seen former street art on display in an gallery (though it looks like this one was only put out on the street in order to later go into a gallery. Not sure if the street art scene likes that)

There are a couple other of Roorda's projects (of similar format) on display also.

Coyote doesn't include text in his blog, so I don't think he'll scoop me on this update!

Take Notice is on display at City Hall until April 3, 2011. It's open daily from 9am-5pm. No admission; just walk right in!

[Cool visual illusion: if you scroll up and down so that the second photo goes past the bottom of the page, and stare past your screen, it looks like the little squares are zooming in and out or moving. Or something. It did for me.]

- RG>

Another swap box at Elgin Bridgehead, another repair by RG

[Edit: added photo of hook to close swap box at end.]

Heading out from Bridgehead last night, I was thrilled to find a new one of el maks' trademark Swap Boxes on the post which formerly held this box, which helped save a life. Here 'tis:

Unfortunately, on opening it, I found it to be very empty. There was about $0.13 in change, and a gambling chip I had just put in (I always have a trinket with me In Case Of Swap Box*). While the box was large, it was shallow, making it hard for anything to stay inside. I took this photo with a ruler so I could fashion something of the right size help hold things in. I was thinking along the lines of a panel of clear plastic packaging stapled across the front.

(*title for your next book, Maks?)

Getting home, I looked at my inventory of paraphernalia and found a Ferrero Rocher box my dad gave me at Christmas (a tradition. I was very disappointed the year he gave me Toblerone instead of Ferrero Rocher for Christmas, though I would have accepted Toblerone and Ferrero Rocher). The box was exactly the right width, it just needed to be opened on one end. Here it is trimmed, taped on the sharp cut edge, with some of the cutting tools I employed to try to cut it to the right size. (The laziest, easiest way I found was scoring it with a knife and/or glass-cutting tool, then clipping it with wire clippers carefully. It will not be a clean cut on the discard side).

I had also pre-drilled some holes in the plastic for small screws to hold it in, making sure not to put the holes too close to the edge, lest my hand and the mini-screwdriver not fit in the gap. I then installed it in situ tonight, first marking the holes, then pre-screwing the screws to make the holes, undoing them, then putting them back in with the plastic piece in place. Worked like a charm (and I only measured once!). El Maks approves! See comments.

Then I populated the box with some new stuff I had brought, "swapping" out the gambling chip I had put in the night before (it had been so long since I'd seen a swap box, I had gotten used to this thing in my pocket) and most of the useless goddamn pennies. The extra benefit of this Ferrero Rocher box is that there is a bevelled edge, making it easier to pull things out of the box.

Unfortunately, maks painted the wooden box over its smooth finish, and the paint is chipping off in the cold. Nothing we can do about that.

Also, because of the way the box is attached to the post, the door doesn't close very well.

I fashioned a simple hook out of a piece of wire just now and will install it next time I'm down there, so that the box's contents will be protected from the elements. [Edit: done. See below.]

I'm grateful to Maks for making (and installing?) the box. It's been so long since we've had one in Centretown since he moved to Montreal. It's up to us to make sure it's well used and well kept!

- RG>

Take Notice: there's a new street artist in town

I saw these two "Take Notice" installations on street poles around Elgin and MacLaren yesterday:

Looks like Coyote has seen them, too. One is his picture of the day today.

Looks like Ottawa has a new street artist in the neighbourhood (or at least a new campaign by an old hand). I'm not sure if the images have a specific message, or if "take notice" is simply an instruction to the people who are so tuned out that they don't see these creative invaders as they walk or drive down the street.

Either way, I think it's a good message.

- RG>

RG's Workshop: How can you mend a broken Swap Box?

A month or so ago, I was talking to one of the folks at the Bytown Museum, who was telling me about their upcoming exhibit, Evocative Objects. It's loosely tied to the Capital Neighbourhoods project, and involves everyday-type objects that have a lot of story in them.

I immediately thought that a swap box would fit right in to this concept, and I knew exactly where to get my hands on one. The museum folks were interested.

For those who prefer to read books or text while walking blindly around the city, a swap box is a form of interactive public art, a box placed in a public location just below eye level, from which you are encouraged to take something from it, and leave something in return. Not only are they fun, but they save lives, too.

Anyway, this one was broken. After getting it from Woodsy, I needed to fix it. Wouldn't be my first time fixing one.

Here's the patient. Found torn from its roost, broken in half, with only one nail holding its front on.

It would need to be glued together, which means it would need to be held together while the glue sets. I don't have any clamps big enough for that, so I'd better figure that out first. Right up there with Swiss Army knives, duct tape, and binder clips in terms of utility are used inner tubes. I tied one around the box:

Looked pretty good. Closed the seam up pretty well, without completely hiding it (satisfying Woodsy's primary condition of letting me fix it)

Unfortunately, it didn't hold the back side together too well; the crack was being pulled open on the backside. Time for more troubleshooting.

My next attempt was definitely a longer shot. These pegs are from my mitre box, and I had drilled holes in a piece of two-by-three to peg them into. Unfortunately, I also didn't have the right diameter drill bit, and the holes were too big and the pegs didn't stick out straight. I then tried holding the top ends of the pegs together with the piece of innertube, also unsuccessfully.

Perturbed but not defeated, I tried again, and realized I could drill the holes all the way through the wood and thread the innertube through it.

A bit of a two-steps-forward-one-step-back approach, but it worked. Both the front and back were straight and tight when I tied off the innertube behind the block. The tapered edges of the swap box allowed me to tighten or loosen the makeshift clamp by moving it up or down the box.

I then applied glue, nailed the box part of it together, and re-clamped it.

The wood block held the back side straight.

The next morning, it was nice and sturdy, especially with the box nailed back together. I sent it off to the museum with some goodies to 'seed' the swap box with. The binder clips were just obligatory. Shit, I should have taken a second look at that golf pencil before tossing it in; it was from a hotel I stayed at in Beijing.

Mounting it was difficult because the upper screw holes were broken off. At the same time, you can't just loosely hang a swap box on a wall, because people are going to be poking around in it. The museum staff did an excellent job of mounting it, right across from the Evocative Objects exhibition on the second floor. And in true Swap Box form, it was mounted without any identifying plaque--people have to discover it for themselves.

The Bytown Museum is funded mostly by the City of Ottawa, yet a significant majority of its patrons are from out of town. More locals need to visit; it's a great trove of Ottawa's history.

This means you!

Bedard by-law meeting tonight

This notice was apparently sent out by Councillor Georges Bédard's office. There's a public meeting at City Hall tonight about the "nuisance" by-law, which, among other things, would make swearing on public punishable by a $300 fine.

NOTICE OF PUBLIC MEETING
MAINTAINING SAFETY
AND HARMONY
ON CITY STREETS
Consideration is being given to the possibility of amending
the Use and Care of Roads By-law to include provisions
that would prohibit disorderly conduct on City streets or
prohibit activity that would interfere with the general public
using City streets or with adjacent property owners.
We would welcome public comment on the subject and invite
you to attend a meeting to share your views, as follows:
Thursday, April 22, 2010
7:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.
City Hall, 110 Laurier Avenue West
Andrew Haydon Hall (Council Chambers)
Comments may also be submitted in writing by May 31,
2010, by fax at 613-580-2719 or by e-mail to Christine.
Hartig@ottawa.ca. For more information, please contact
Ms. Hartig 613-580-2424, ext. 25629.

I've spent enough mental energy on City Hall this week, and am going to skip this meeting, fun as I'm sure it will be.

- RG>

The Binder Clip Fan Club

Something happened in the blogosphere yesterday. Maybe a belated April Fool's Day Joke, or maybe a conspiracy that I'm not in on (yet).

Whatever it was, the changes were, shall we say, binding.

I know a trend coming along when I see one, and I knew I'd have to run at a pretty fast clip to catch up with it. So hastily, I registered www.BinderClips.ca and created a Blogger blog to act as a landing site for now. This evening I created some basic content:

For me, the first sign of the apocaclips was a link on the blog of binder clip fan (and self-declared Binder Clip King) David Scrimshaw, David Scrimshaw's blog, repeating a post by binder clip enthusiast Megan Butcher on her eponymous blog.

Megan had discovered a user for binder clips: a ceiling cleaning mop mod.

Megan's post linked to a post on Mae Callen's blog, Driving fast on loose gravel, wherein she had devised a mounting system for silk scarves.

This led Woodsy to post on her blog her own binder clip story (which she knows by their French nickname, "des clips," not to be confused with the nickname for Desmond Clipson, the infamously hard-to-Google actor*). In that post, she summarised the previous three links as Ottawa bloggers who enjoy the creative use of bull binder clips.

*You may not remember him. He plays a conveniently-named bit character on blog posts.

I was disappointed not to see any links to my blog on her list. Then I realized that my binder clip affection is still a secret on this blog! The closest I've come is the recent post on creating a handlebar-mounted clipboard.

Meanwhile, others are way ahead of me: both David Scrimshaw and Megan Butcher have made enough relevant posts to have a "binder clips" tag on their blogs.

But you are not alone! I have a longstanding addiction to binder clips!

Here is a photo of a box of binder clips shortly after I picked it up from my supplier last August. The blue thing is a letter size file folder for comparison.

When people visit, I always offer them a handful of clips for the road.

And this was the third such box that I got from my supplier, having already exhausted two. You find a lot of uses for binder clips with that many around.

As for www.BinderClips.ca, I'm hoping it will be a resource for all the many uses people find for binder clips.

To be honest, I kinda just registered the domain and hoped the rest would come together. As far as I could see, there weren't any Binder Clip fansites out there, so this is new territory. I guess I'm vaguely thinking of a cross between theme blogs like el Maks' Swapbox blog, I Can Has Cheezburger and Always Use Zipcode, and collaborative blogs like Apartment 613 and the ELgiN StreEt iRReguLars.

Damned if I know how it's going to work, but if it does, I want to make a similar site for local fans of used inner tubes.

I guess the question is, who's in? Clip fans--speak up!

- RG>

Someone went ahead...

It seems anonymous comments aren't just for blogs anymore.

Last night, amidst a gruelling week of boring and stressful meetings and e-mail battles, I was feeling quite tired and dispirited.

When I left the meeting, I was thrilled to see this note left on my bicycle handlebar clipboard:

It totally made my day!

Thanks, random person. You're cool too!

- RG>

Leftover Monster

I came home today to find the Leftover Monster in my living room. Here he is.

I wrote him a song:

Leftover monster, how are you doing?
I've been waiting to see you all day.
Leftover monster, what is brewin'?
I bet it's the same as yesterday.

- RG>

Reminder: Email your councillor about the anti-speech by-law!

Council's agenda tomorrow includes a few important items, including the suggestion to reopen the urban boundary decision, and also George Bédard's 'nuisance by-law'.

Here's a letter I just fired off to Council. If you haven't already, please send one yourself (in your own words):

Dear Mayor and Councillors,

Tomorrow's Council meeting looks like it will be a marathon one. The nuisance By-law, proposed by Councillor Bédard, is a small but powerful item. I feel that it is far too powerful and broad for its intended goal.

You have heard opposition to this by-law from the Defense Counsel Association of Ottawa, as well as from the Centretown Citizens Community Association (whose area includes Elgin and Bank streets). Both say that this by-law crosses the line. The by-law technically outlaws such spontaneous activities as the Sens Mile, and even Christmas Carols, not to mention the threat it poses to political speech such as demonstrations.

I live on Gladstone Avenue near Bronson, and I knew when I moved in that it can get noisy at times. I've made my share of noise complaints under the existing noise by-law, which were successfully dealt with. After 1am, these complaints aren't handled by by-law officers but by the police, so a new by-law is redundant. The activities that Councillor Bédard describes in the report are already covered by criminal law.

I ask that you reject this motion, or at the very least refer it back to transportation Committee for further consultation and input from the public.

Misc updates:

- Mark Ertel, President of the Defense Counsel Association of Ottawa, has expressed the DCAO's opposition to the by-law, saying they'll try to have the by-law struck down when it gets used.

- The CCCA voted to oppose this by-law at its February meeting.

- The Panhandler's Union is examining its own strategies (I correspond with them but I'm not directly involved)

- It looks like the motion may be referred back to Transportation Committee, where more people can submit input after all this new opposition. This is much better than being approved!


Misc. references:

- Previous two posts on the topic: Honey, get my picket sign and Public speech ban by-law gets a step closer

- Text and background of motion: http://ottawa.ca/calendar/ottawa/citycouncil/trc/2010/02-03/07-ACS2010-CCS-TRC-0003.htm

- Agenda for tomorrow's Council meeting: http://www.ottawa.ca/cgi-bin/docs.pl?Elist=14495&lang=en

- Student leader arrested for 'causing a disturbance by swearing': http://www.ottawacitizen.com/news/Ottawa+student+federation+president+charged+with+causing+disturbance/2519096/story.html

- RG>

The Cuphelder™

Have you ever had this problem? You found a perfectly good mug for holding things, but didn't have anything appropriate to be held by it?

Stationery and drinks have being-held-by-a-mug as only a secondary function (to writing and being drunk, respectively), and have so many problems when being held by mugs: pens and pencils, for example, don't fit completely inside mugs, while drinks can spill easily out of them.

With this revolutionary invention, you can pack those makeshift items away along with your worries--introducing the Cuphelder™!

Of simple design, the Cuphelder™ is fashioned from a 36-inch long strip of double-wall corrugated cardboard, rolled into a fist-sized spool, and is specifically designed for being held by mugs. Shown here is the 'tall' model.

The Cuphelder™ fits easily into all standard size cups and mugs, and will also protect your mugs during transportation from the many hazards of being left empty.

Don't get left stuck the next time you are in need of something to be held by a cup--get yourself a Cuphelder™ today!

Not available in stores. Always wash mugs thoroughly after using the Cuphelder™. Not for use in undergarments, cups, canteens, flasks, steins, or other non-mug beverage containers. Keep away from flames and cats.

- RG>

Public speech ban by-law gets a step closer

Jon Willing has pointed out on the Ottawa Sun blog he shares with Sue Sherring that the City's Transportation Committee has approved a motion to ban various forms of nuisance on City streets.

I discussed this proposed law in a recent post.

Unfortunately, I couldn't attend the meeting and don't know how controversial it was (if at all). It will go to Council sometime soon.

Meanwhile, the Citizen reports that a student politician at the U of O was arrested for the crime of "causing a disturbance by swearing". So why the hell does the City even need a by-law?

Perhaps this bogus charge against Seamus Wolfe is to coax the City into having an alternative (but equally fuckheaded) punishment--a fine instead of criminal charges--for speaking one's mind. What we in the criminology field call "net widening".

I had originally thought this cartoon I drew was disingenuous because it refers to the police instead of bylaw, but Wolfe's case unfortunately shows you can get arrested for swearing.

On the bright side, the same Jon Willing blog post announced that the Panhandlers Union settled their suit with the City, which was related to Andrew Nellis' arrest on Mayday 2008. See this post and this post for contemporary details.

While acting out that cartoon might work, I'm thinking of a protest where a bunch of people stand every ten feet along a street and all chant "fuck" in sequence down the street. (like the "telephone" party game but with shouting instead of whispering) Damned if I have the time for it, though.

- RG>

From the weather variations that brought you Winterlude...

The National Capital Commission recently announced that they will not have the Snowbowl outdoor concert stage this year as part of Winterlude. They said that the big expense applied to that venue can be used for many other attractions during the winter-themed festival, which starts in three weeks. One of the reasons cited by the NCC is the impact on global warming caused by the CO₂ emissions from the heaters on the stage.

In a heaping pile of irony, the Rideau Canal, the world's largest skating rink, opened yesterday, and is looking to be rather slushy over the next few days as temperatures hover around zero. This will prevent them from flooding the ice to get a good smooth skating surface. Trends suggest that Ottawa's climate is getting warmer, with winter temperatures being more conducive to freezing rain than to frozen canals.

Bummer. One of the things I like about winter (aside from motorists' misery in snowstorms) is skating on the Rideau canal. It's free, it's car-free, it's fun.

But only when the ice is good.

[I re-used this logo in a 2011 post]

- RG>

Scrimshaws discovered near Percy

David Scrimshaw posted today a photo of a street art installation he saw on Gladstone just West of Percy. It was a little rectangle of painted canvas tacked to a street post, sporting the words "Looking Good!"

He said he saw this back in October and had been meaning to post the photo of it. Which he did.

I also happened upon some similar works, likely by the same artist, in late November. And since David Scrimshaw was the first to discover and describe one of these things, I'm hereby defining a Scrimshaw to refer to "a guerrilla inspirational street art installation". And in keeping with my recent trend of ripping off blog ideas from David Scrimshaw's blog, I'd might as well post photos of the Scrimshaws I found.

This one is on Gladstone, just East of Percy--kitty-corner from the one David posted. It has a mirror on it (in which I've cleverly reflected a building that matches the background (hmm... the 'background' in this case is really closer than the image in the mirrors (hmm... lots of brackets here...))). The slogan on this one is "Today is potentially awesome!"Potentially, yes, but it wasn't particularly so for me.

This other one is also nearby, this time on Percy itself, but further down, at Powell in the Glebe. It also has mirrors and a positive message.

Being a grouch, I'm not a big fan of unnecessarily positive messages, but this one--"You're looking Sharp Today"--is a pun, which balances it out. The sharp shards of mirror also help.

Whoever the artist is, first I apologize for not bothering to so much as do a simple google search to see if you've identified yourself somewhere. And second, keep up the good work dressing up the neighbourhood, but please apply a tone of dressing down in your future works.

Another street artist (or conceivably the same one) put something up on Elgin Street this past weekend, but unfortunately by the time I got to see it, it had already been vandalized. It looks like it had been in the style of El Maks' Tell Me A Story journals (Maks, were you in town? Was this you?)

All this has reminded me that I've wanted to make a swap box for quite some time, though it isn't exactly a priority for me. Maybe I'll make a few Scrimshaws instead, as I hear there's a big market for them overseas.

- RG>

Mister Scrimshaw...

I see your [colleague's] Shredddy the Snowman and raise you Sammy the Shoelaced Sumo Snowman:

You know he's classy because he has a top hat.

On an entirely unrelated note. Anybody need bags of shoelaces or old flying discs? (not Frisbee^® brand)

- RG>