Thursday, November 25, 2004

Faulty Secularism (bitching)

If you get the Ottawa Citizen, you will have received their "Holiday Song Book" in the mail.

The cover says, "See inside for many popular songs and recipes for this festive season."

Inside, there is a section called "Christmas songs & recipes." That is the only section.

Why the fuck do they call them "holiday" songs on the cover, when clearly these are nothing but Christmas songs (and other winter songs that have been assimilated into being Christmas songs--Frosty the Snowman, Jingle Bell Rock, Let it Snow, Jingle Bells, Sleigh Ride and Winter Wonderland--but these were all in the "Christmas songs" section)

The Citizen's editors are probably trying to hide from accusations of not including non-Christians during this so-called "holiday" season (when really, it's the Christmas season), people who would otherwise not bother looking through the book and seeing its explicit use of Christmas-only songs.

The least they could have done was separate Christmas songs from the 'winter' songs listed above. It would have been better, however, to include with these overused Christmas songs such equally-inane ditties as "Dreidel" (not that Hannukah is parallel to Christmas). Actually, the least they could have done was admit that it is a Christmas song book.

Grumble, grumble...

- RG>

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Cough, cough, bitch, bitch... (diary)

Yesterday, on the bus, the driver forgot to release the back doors at one of the stops.

A lady at one of the doors pushed and pushed angrily. This didn't work. So she started coughing ("ahem..."). This didn't work. So she started yelling at the driver. This apparently worked.

I think as she opened the doors, I think I yelled at her something along the lines of "Use your fucking voice."

The point I was trying to get across was that humans have developed language and civilization didn't evolve so people can grunt at each other.

This is just like the pregnant lady who is too shy to ask people to give her a seat, but complains by writing in the paper.

Is there no sense of modesty in these people? (I think 'modesty' is very much the wrong word, but I'll use it anyway) Silence doesn't work, so I must resort to yelling! These people won't read my mind, so I will have to carve my desires into their foreheads with a rusty nail!

In the end, I told the driver, "That's what you get for not reading people's minds!"

- RG>

Joke (wanderful)

I thought this one up a couple of days ago:

Q: What do you call it when a dead person farts?

A: Blast from the passed.

- RG>

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Major Nelson and Jeannie had sex! (commentary)

It's been a while since I last blogged. I've been waiting for something useful to say. I've given up on that.

If you aren't familiar with the TV show I dream of Jeannie, don't bother reading further.

Today (at least I think it was today) I saw an episode of I dream of Jeannie while nothing else was on.

For some reason, there were dogs in the house. One was pregnant. Both were magical. Major Helie dropped by the house to pick up some stuff while Major Nelson was in a meeting. Jeannie told Helie that 'the stork will be visiting' or some such thing to imply that a baby would be had.

Helie thought that this meant that Jeannie was pregnant, and told Major Nelson as soon as he got back to the office.

Major Nelson rushed home (buying chocolates and flowers along the way) and told Jeannie he had heard the news and was very happy.

This is where the problem lies.

He didn't ask if it was possible for Genies to be pregnant without sex.

He didn't furiously inquire as to who got her pregnant.

Instead, he said he was proud that he was going to be a father.

Ergo, Major Nelson and Jeannie must have had sex. (That, or Major Nelson is a real dolt, which is also a distinct possibility)

So much for that bellybutton controversy.

- RG>