Santa Claus dances like a jerk

This life-size dancing Santa Claus doll was at pho tonight, and presumably will be there until that pagan whatchamacallit day. It sings songs in French and dances. And as we noticed, its left hand moves somewhat... suggestively. The clacking sound the hand makes as it hits the belt buckle will certainly leave a lasting impression.

I won't be going on his lap anytime soon.

- RG>

Thought of the [undefined period of time] #11

The man who hides his words is as much a coward as the one who hides his name.

Previous undefined period of time: 5 months, 27 days, 7h24

- RG>

Who the fuck designed the Dexter DVDs?

So I'm watching the TV show Dexter, and being the good (and lazy) person that I am, I am doing so by renting the DVDs from my local video store, instead of downloading them illegally from the internet. I did the same thing for House, which was powerfully addictive. Once you get past the hokey acting, it's an interesting show that keeps you wanting to see what happens next.

I'm now at season 3 of Dexter, and there are some major issues with the way they designed the DVD.

First off, you get about thirty seconds of FBI warning and Showtime advertisement that you can't skip through.

Then you get some ad that thankfully you can skip through.

But then you have to sit through the animation/advertisement for the disc menu. In previous seasons, you could just click on the "disc menu" button and it would skip the animation. With season 3 (or at least disc 2), if you click the "disc menu" button in the middle of the animation, it takes you back to the beginning of the animation.

What a piece of garbage.

Then, when you finally get the episode started, it starts with a couple minutes of "previously, on Dexter" clips. Only I guess the producers don't realize I'm watching the fucking DVD. I know what happened previously and want to start seeing the next part of the story.

So I click the "next chapter" button. On the House DVDs, clicking "next chapter" at the beginning of the episode would take you to the start of the opening credits, and clicking a second time would take you to the end of the credits--the beginning of the episode. With season 3 of Dexter, if you click "next chapter" at the beginning of the episode, it skips the first few minutes of the actual episode.

What benefit do the producers think they gain by forcing me to first sit through adverisements for the show I just paid them to watch, and then not be able to conveniently access that content?

On top of this, the bonus features in the DVD suck monkey balls. There are promo episodes of miscellaneous TV shows that I can only assume sucked too badly to make it to air, then there are text biographies and photos of the cast with cludgy interfaces. LAaaaame.

I think for season 4 I'll just download the torrent. Lazy as I am, at least the DVD producers won't punish me anymore for acquiring their content legally.

- RG>

RG's guide to pedophilia

Apparently somebody is selling a book on Amazon called "The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure: a Child-lover's Code of Conduct". It's making a lot of people angry.

No doubt it is. Quite the scam.

I've got my own Code of Conduct for people who want to have sex with children, which I'll share for free:

Step 1: Stay the fuck away from children
Step 2: Don't even think of it

I admit, it could use a bit of refinement. Maybe once a publisher accepts my guide, they can trim off the wordy bits, or maybe add a sequel: "repeat steps 1 and 2".

Until then, sorry, Amazon--you won't be making any money off this guide!

- RG>

Take Notice: there's a new street artist in town

I saw these two "Take Notice" installations on street poles around Elgin and MacLaren yesterday:

Looks like Coyote has seen them, too. One is his picture of the day today.

Looks like Ottawa has a new street artist in the neighbourhood (or at least a new campaign by an old hand). I'm not sure if the images have a specific message, or if "take notice" is simply an instruction to the people who are so tuned out that they don't see these creative invaders as they walk or drive down the street.

Either way, I think it's a good message.

- RG>

Rats! The NCC does it again!

The NCC took something out of Confederation Park.

No, it's not about the rat poison they took out, after putting it there to try to get rid of unwanted guests.

It's the shrubs they took out of the park in November 2008 to get rid of unwanted guests. Only there was no mention of rats at the time; they didn't like people sleeping in the park and leaving litter and clutter.

In that article, a man who used to sleep in the park said the park was kept clean by the homeless people who slept there. It sure makes sense--if you sleep someplace, you keep it clean. He says any litter was left by the people who pass through there.

Since the NCC didn't say anything about rats when they removed the bushes, I can only assume the rats arrived after they removed the shrubs--and the homeless residents. Maybe the homeless people were no longer there to keep it clean.

I can only wonder if the NCC brought about the rat infestation themselves by removing the shrubs that gave it housekeepers.

- RG>

Front-page funnies

The Citizen has a feature article in the Saturday Observer section with a headline that made me laugh uncontrollably for a good couple of minutes this morning:

The fall and fall of Larry O'Brien

It's what it sounds like, a chronicle of Larry's political career, and the latest campaign. Which, like a Mr. Bean movie, is at times painrul and at times hilarious to watch (and sometimes both).

Here's a gem:

Five days before the election, O'Brien attended the book launch of Citizen columnist Randall Denley at the Heart and Crown on Preston Street. The place was crawling with journalists and politicians. He chatted for more than 20 minutes with Citizen reporter Gary Dimmock, whose stories led to O'Brien facing influence peddling trials. Why were they chatting? Because the mayor didn't recognize Dimmock.

"Didn't you use to have a moustache?" he said after discovering Dimmock's identity.

Pity he didn't succeed in giving the city swagger. I think swagger is a good thing, and one of these days I'll actually write out my thoughts on that.

On the bright side, thanks to this article, I don't think anybody will need to suffer through reading the book Larry promises to write.

- RG>