Mister Scrimshaw...

I see your [colleague's] Shredddy the Snowman and raise you Sammy the Shoelaced Sumo Snowman:

You know he's classy because he has a top hat.

On an entirely unrelated note. Anybody need bags of shoelaces or old flying discs? (not Frisbee^® brand)

- RG>

Sending an amateur to do a veteran's job

Apparently, if you are declined permission to solicit in private property, it's newsworthy, so long as you are a volunteer doing things for veterans. The hilarious icing on this story's cake is that this was the volunteer's first time selling poppies to the masses on behalf of war veterans, i.e. she was not a veteran of the poppy trade.

I don't care who you're working for, I quite like my hotel visits uninterrupted by solicitors. Unless they're offering motherhood and apple pie. That's a special case that nobody should be allowed to turn away.

I wonder if we can use this sense of Veteranary entitlement for other things too.

I'm imagining a group called Vee Pee, where volunteers go to various restaurants' washrooms and take a whiz, in solidarity with those veterans whose continence was lost on other continents. If we are declined access because we're not paying customers of the establishment, we should raise a stink (harder to do without washroom access) and tell the newspapers that the restaurant doesn't care about veterans because their washrooms-are-for-paying-customers-only policy doesn't have an exception for veterans.

Oh, and as with the campaign manager in the article who dispatched the novice poppy volunteer, we won't make reservations.

- RG>

"We will be greeted as Lansdowne Liberators"

I've compared Larry O'Brien to George W. Bush before, if only because he did it first.

And here I go again. This time, it has to do with the long-anticipated results to the Nanos poll evaluating public opinion on the Lansdowne Live proposal. As fellow blogger David Reevely says, you can read pretty much anything into this poll.

However, one thing this poll puts to rest is O'Brien's assertions that Lansdowne Live has widspread support from the "silent majority". Using the Bush analogy, O'Brien was saying of himself and the Lansdowne Live people that "we would be greeted as liberators," and the Nanos poll shows that success at Lansdowne takes a heck of a lot more work than that.

I'll be at the Rally for a public solution to Lansdowne Park at City Hall (Marion Dewar Plaza) at noon next Friday, November 13th. Hope you will too.

- RG>

Fight panic - get a Flingol

"Help prevent panic before it happens: get a Flingol"

Why?

"There's a panic epidemic right around the corner and we need to prevent it. Scientists and public safety officials are recommending that everyone be supplied with a Flingol, lest the panic ruin the economy and cripple our health services."

And how would it do that, exactly?

"Well, do you have any chronic medical conditions?"

I have asthma.

"Then you're in a high-risk group. You're a high priority to get a Flingol."

Okay, assuming the panic epidemic is any worse than the normal crazy that goes around at Christmastime, how would a Flingol prevent it?

"You've probably heard rumours that some ingredients in the Flingol can cause spontaneous amputation and percussive cardiac asphyxiation... "

What?!? No, I've never heard that!

"Be assured that laboratory tests have demonstrated that the components used in the Flingol are very safe, and such incidents are extremely rare."

But you still haven't told me how the Flingol prevents a panic epidemic.

"The Flingol provides you with a mild electric shock at random intervals, which makes you less susceptible to real panic when it occurs."

And has this been tested to actually prevent panic?

"The Flingol is like the annual Flangel treatment that has been distributed for years. The Flingol has been prepared quickly to cater to the specific form of panic that is predicted to become an epidemic this year. Don't be worried about the very long lineups of people at Flingol clinics. Yes, some people are being turned away after waiting in line for hours, but we fully expect that a Flingol will be available to everyone who wants it by winter Solstice."

Okay, first, you still haven't given me any signs of evidence that this Flingol thing has been tested and is effective at preventing panic. In fact, if it will take hours out of my day, I'm definitely going to want to have sound evidence-based reasons for getting a Flingol. Second, aren't you encouraging the thing you're trying to prevent by having these long lineups and turning them away? Doesnt' that just create panic?

"We're constantly adjusting our system to maximize the communication to the public about availability of Flingol. Our suppliers, who are major manufacturers of pain-causing medication, are working as hard as they can to get the Flingol ready for every person in the Country."

Wait, so this Flingol thing is lining the pockets of the harmaceutical industry? At this point I'm very frustrated and I've heard no reason to get a Flingol. I don't usually suffer from the annual mass holiday panic, so I doubt it will be useful to me.

"Even if you don't get panic very often, you could pass it on to someone else who is unable to get a Flingol for health reasons."

In that case you're risking my health, according to these anecdote-based rumours you told me about. Even if it's a very low risk, I really want to know about the effectiveness. What scientific studies have been carried out to demonstrate its effectiveness? What is the empirical measure of the Flingol's ability to prevent panic from spreading? The only science-based information on all the public safety websites is that the Flingol is not unsafe, and that certain people should get it sooner than others.

"If you have any concerns about the Flingol, please contact your Family Safety Officer."

At this point, my primary concern is that you're telling people to get this Flingol thing...

"We're not telling you to get it, we're saying it's available, and that you're in a high-risk group. It's your decision whether or not to get the Flingol."

Right, sure. Because you don't want to get sued. But how can I inform my decision when the only information you're distributing is how it's supposed to work in theory, where to get it, and that it's not unsafe?

"Out of office reply: Thank you for your message. We will respond to your request within 2 working days."

Shit, you're as bad as the homeopaths.

***

It's been three full business days since I sent my initial message to the public health department asking about the effectiveness of the H1N1 influenza vaccine and got the Out-of-office reply. Based on the media hype, I'm thinking of getting the H1N1 flu shot, but none of the information on the Ontario Ministry of Public Health website and the Ottawa Public Health H1N1 vaccine FAQ page seems to have any evidence of the effectiveness of the vaccine in preventing transmission/infection of the H1N1 flu virus. At most, it talks about the makeup of the vaccine, and the differences between it and the seasonal flu vaccine, but this vaccine had an accelerated production.

Presumably our politicians (informed by public health officials) made the decision to issue the vaccine based on hard scientific evidence, not just media hype and lobbying from Big Pharma. I would therefore like to see some of that evidence (or even evidence of that evidence) before getting the vaccine. This could take the form of something as simple as "in laboratory trials, the H1N1 influenza vaccine prevented transmission of the H1N1 influenza virus in XX% of laboratory rats, and reduced the average number of days of infection by X days." I'm frankly shocked that no such statements are in the public health documentation on the websites. This information should not be so difficult to find, and is far more powerful argument for getting the flu shot than "it's not harmful, so why not?"

Given the size of the lineups, I've got plenty of time to wait to hear back from Public Health before deciding to get a flu shot.

- RG>

Blue Line Taxi #522 is a menace to society

This afternoon, while walking to lunch, I made the decision to jay-walk across Cooper at Elgin (as I frequently do while walking). There was only one car coming, and it was far enough away that I'd be out of the intersection by the time the car approached.

Turns out, the car, which was Blue Line Taxi #522, sped up. As he went to turn left through the intersection, I felt his tire rub against the heel of my shoe.

"Motherfucker!" I exclaimed.

Two women who had just crossed Elgin (with the light) turned and looked at me, I guess to see if I was referring to one of them.

"That taxi just hit my foot!" I clarified.

The ladies remarked that they were just talking to each other about how fast that taxi took the turn.

I'd report the driver, but I've had bad luck. Last time I reported a driver glancing me (at the time, I was on my bike), the only witness I had (an OC Transpo driver) didn't see the car contact me because he was on the other side of the car. Similarly, these two women didn't see the taxi glance my foot. I could have gotten their information as witnesses to the speed at which the taxi was going, but pedestrians can't judge the exact speed at which a motorist goes--he might have technically been going the limit, but it looked faster because nobody in their right mind goes 50 km/h on Elgin, especially around a corner.

Also, the previous time, while my brake lever made some marks on the driver's rear passenger door (I saw them in great detail because the incident happened in slow-motion for me), the police claimed there were no scratches on the door, and therefore no corroboratory evidence. In today's case, I just felt his tire rub the back of my shoe, but that made no mark on the tire or the shoe.

So there's no point in bothering to report this asshole to the police. The most it would result in is a jaywalking ticket for me. So instead I'm calling him out.

***

There are some who think that I deserve what I got (or could have gotten) because I was jaywalking. The City of Ottawa, for one, who had a Walk like your life depends on it campaign earlier this year.

The campaign's reasoning goes--applied to this situation--even though the taxi driver could have not accelerated in a high pedestrian traffic zone, and even though the driver could have not passed me so closely to endanger my life, the whole situation is really my fault. Even though a taxi driver is a professional driver who should be held to the highest standards

***

Pedestrians and cyclists probably account for a high proportion of taxi passengers. So why are they so antagonistic?

Two years ago yesterday there was a consultation on the City of Ottawa's Transportation Master Plan. Someone I know attended the focus group where Hanif Patni, president of Coventry Connections (Blue Line Taxi) claimed that the City shouldn't spend any money on cycling because cyclists only account for 1% of the population traffic (which is an inaccurate figure, especially if you look beyond the city-wide level to ward and neighbourhood cycling levels).

From the day I heard about that, I've used other taxi companies when I've needed a taxi.

After today's incident, I think I'll keep a running tally of specific taxi drivers (by car number) who do dangerous and reckless actions (as well as the good ones). Feel free to contribute your own in the comments. It would be neat to eventually make such a list into some sort of mobile phone app, so that when you want to take a taxi, you can see if they've endangered your friends and neighbours.

- RG>

Holy fuck! Google Wave!

Back a few years ago, Google introduced a paradigm shift to e-mail with Gmail. Those of you who have and use Gmail at home, for example, know how annoying it is to have to go back to work and use the traditional e-mail interface, which doesn't make threads of e-mail discussions, and doesn't allow multiple tags for conversations.

Google Wave, designed by Lars and Jens Rasmussen (creators of Google Maps), is the next paradigm shift in communications user interface. Frankly, it does so much that I'm a bit afraid of it.

Here is a 1hour, 20 minute video on YouTube introducing Google Wave from a developer conference in May. (You can safely skip the first 2-3 minutes)

As an example of what problems Google Wave solves is this:
- On a wiki (such as Wikipedia), it's very easy to edit a document collaboratively, but the discussions on that page are difficult to do. You have to manually structure the tree of the conversation, and manually add your user signature.
- Conversely, on e-mail, it's easy to see who made what comment about a document, but it's very annoying to pull that together.
- With Google Docs, they made a bit of inroads, by allowing discussion via Google Chat (or whatever their chat module is called; I hate using chat), but that's in a sidebar to the Google Docs window.
- With Google Wave, the whole thing is all together, you can see comments about parts of the document inline, as well as who made them and when, and you can also hide the comments to see just the document itself. You can add someone new to the document, and they will see the most recent version, but they can also see a playback of where that document came from.

Another example:
- In Gmail, messages with the same subject line are grouped into threads or conversations. Gmail tries its hardest to figure out when these are the same conversation and when to split them.
- If someone in the conversation changes the subject line, it will start a new thread, which is annoying when a non-Gmail user replies with their own comments in the subject line.
- Furthermore, when you're having a conversation among a dozen people, and you separate comments out to have a private conversation with one of the others, you have two options: you can change the subject line--making it harder to find the sub-conversation when looking at the main conversation, or you can keep the subject line the same, burying the private conversation in the larger group thread.
- Google Wave solves this very well, and keeps privacy relatively secure. (I'll note, however, that it seems anybody can add an additional party to a conversation very easily, and that additional party will be able to see back into that conversation. This is a security risk, as when someone on a private e-mail list forwards the message to someone outside the list.)

Google Wave has lots of extensibility and existing integration with other services, such as image searches and (*sigh*) twitter, but the neatest aspect is the live interaction:
- Google Wave updates the conversation/discussion/collaboration live on other participants' Google Wave interfaces as well. So unlike in a chat client, where at most you'll see that someone is typing a response, your response will appear character-by-character as you type it (you can disable this when composing more delicate messages).
- Google Wave also corrects your spelling live. Not just identifying non-word typos, but contextual typos. The example they use in the video is "I would like some been dip": even though "been" is a valid word, it understands from the context that it is not the right word, and it corrects it live. Grammar Nazis rejoice: It also recognizes to/too/two errors and, I assume, their/there/they're errors. If it is not highly confident, it will underline the word instead of automatically replacing it.
- Even more rock-awesome, it has a translation feature, so you can converse--live--with people in other languages, and it will translate your message as you type it! (Toward the end of the video, last 5 or so minutes)

The best part is they plan to open-source it, and users on different implementations will be able to communicate amongst each other.

It's really hard to understand what Google Wave does without seeing the video. The video is a bit long-winded at times, but watching the whole thing reassured me of some of the concerns I had with it early on (such as privacy and version control). I'm still not sure if I've got my head wrapped entirely around the paradigm, but it looks like a promising extension of productivity tools. (There's even a text-based terminal interface!)

I've requested an invitation to Google Wave, and I hope that those I collaborate with will also be early adopters. It has a lot of potential, and I hope to be able to use it.

- RG>

15 Ways to Celebrate National Grouch Day

October 15 is National Grouch Day. For those amateur grouches out there wondering how to make it through National Grouch Day who weren't satisfied with my last suggestion of how to celebrate National Grouch Day, here is a list of fifteen ways to celebrate:

• Don't.
  
  
• Look for fault in everything and everybody you come into contact with. If you can't find any, turn your attention elsewhere and try again.
  
  
• Correct the spelling, grammar, and factual errors in the newspaper with a pen. Then put it back in the pile at the coffeeshop (or the newsstand).
  
  
• When people ask questions they don't really want to hear the answer to, like "how's it going," waste their time with longwinded answers.
  
  
• Let something bother you. Wake up in the middle of the night to blog about it. Extra points if you tried to ignore it by going to sleep but instead let it keep you up until the middle of the night.
  
  
• Rant.
  
  
• Go to any length possible to be in a position to say "I told you so," but let it go without saying.
  
  
• Always be prepared to tell the story of the last person you saw saying or doing something stupid, or who pissed you off. Tell this story to everyone you have the opportunity to tell (except the person in question). With each iteration, refine the narrative and be more cocky about your role.
  
  
• Put someone on hold. Or time your absence from your office when you know someone is going to call.
  
  
• USE ALL CAPS AT LEAST ONCE A DAY to make your point.
  
  
• Make others uncomfortable by telling outrageous (yet technically plausible) lies about yourself. Using their reaction, turn the conversation to them.
  
  
• Procrastinate.
  
  
• Visit icanhascheezburger.com and vote down the entries that aren't funny, and the ones that are funny but in the wrong style.
  
  
• Bait [other] nitpickers and lash out at them for not seeing your subtle point. (Avoid Muphry's Law)

Have a nasty National Grouch Day.

- RG>